Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Entertainment Lawyer 01/01
#1 So about two weeks ago there is a Vivid party (adult film company) and this music producer who reminds me a great deal of Larry Hagman drives his car right up to the front entrance of the club, slams his brakes so the tries squeal and to make sure he has everyone's attention. In front of the club is a long line of people waiting to get in. Our producer walks up to the door and says, "I'm here for the party." The bouncer sees his name on the list, but says the party hasn't started yet and won't for another 20 minutes or so. Our producer begs to get in early, but is denied. He goes back to his car and lays rubber as he pulls away from the club. 30 minutes later he pulls back in front of the club just as noisily, and as he struts up to the front entrance says, "Lets start this party. Where are the bitches? Bring on the bitches." I would like to say that he then tripped and fell and everyone laughed at him, but everyone was already laughing at him. He went home empty that night. JR Rotem 98%

#2 Oh Canada. Not really about Canada per se, but it does take place in Canada. Seems that a show that is filming there which was supposed to be a big hit is actually a bomb and the cast knows it. Since they figure they will be canceled before the end of the year they are doing as much as they can to have fun, including all kinds of gestures and signals to their friends while filming, stealing everything they can from the various sets, and basically just having the time of their lives all over Vancouver knowing it will be over soon. Everyone is joining in except for the female lead who still thinks the show will make it and thinks everyone is acting childish and refuses to take part in anything that can be considered fun. The rest of the cast and crew have taken to calling her diamond which she takes as a compliment. Unfortunately it is referring to what a tight ass she is and how if she put a lump of coal in her ass it would turn to a diamond. Michelle Ryan 98%

#3 This oh so demanding curvy top 40 singer with the famous pipes, has a bit of a towel problem. Seems she makes one of her people go buy fresh towels daily. Yes, brand new towels must be used everyday irregardless of whether a towel was used the day before or not. Seems that our singer thinks that towels that have been hanging collect too much dust, and so wants fresh ones daily so she is always clean. I guess no one has bothered to tell her that they are gathering even more dust sitting in the store, or on the shelves of her home awaiting their first use. Hey, at least all her staff, their friends and family have more towels than they know what to do with.
Mariah Carey 98%

#4This whacked out, aging female singer, and I am using the term singer very loosely here, walked up to her ex-boyfriend who was with his current girlfriend. Apparently our singer was a wee bit jealous and a wee bit pissed that her ex was with someone else. She walked straight up to the new girlfriend and asked, "Did he tell you that he's HIV positive?" "I should know, he gave it to me." She then turned and walked away. How is that for a date? Probably the last one.
Courtney Love. I need to make it perfectly clear that as far as I know she only said it as a joke and is NOT HIV+. This is NOT the same singer mentioned in a recent blind item who is HIV+. 98%

#5 This drug addled celebutard from a foreign land (not U.S.) is in a new relationship with a celebutante who is the daughter of someone sexy. Seems the celebutard hit on the celebutante's step mother at a recent event. He was rejected, but the celebutante still adores him.
Calum Best / Kimberly Stewart (turns out she didn't really adore him after it happened and broke up with him) 98%

#6 What comic/actor, best friends/duo have been best friends for years but have seen their relationship crumble due to jealousy. One of the friends (A) was always the bigger television star and had the ego to match and was willing to be friends with his less than equal friend (B) as long as the second friend was second best. When A got into films, he thought his television success would carry over, but no such luck. When B got into films he kept scoring number one films and A began to seethe. Now, with B having another #1 film and A not getting his calls returned, it seems the once famous friendship has ground to a halt. Ray Romano & Kevin James

#7 This award winning B+ list television and film actress is having second thoughts about the whole marriage thing. Seems as if her significant other is dying to make it official and she used to be. Just things have changed now and she wants to see what's out there and see if she can find someone more her equal in status. Katherine Heigl 98%

#8 This celebutard (the male version of celebutante) with the prolific sperm has been trying to hide his relationship with this C/D list actress because her former boyfriend, a B list film star with A list name recognition has threatened to kick the crap out of the celebutard if he sees him with his ex. The c'tard acts tough but is scared out of his mind. Kevin Federline / Nicole Narain / Colin Farrell 98%

#9 This male singer kept trying to hit on women at the VMA after parties but was having no luck. Apparently each and everyone made it a point to tell him he was an ass and that you should never kiss and tell. Adam Levine 98%

#10 This dog loving B list film actor was shot down last night at a club by this A list (everywhere but America) performer when he tried to hit on her. She not only turned him down, but was heard to say, "I thought you were gay." Orlando Bloom & Kylie Minogue 98%

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