Tuesday, March 4, 2008

NY Daily News Blind Item 03/03

Which singer turned Broadway star is miserable along the Great White Way? Although he privately gripes that he hates the show he's in, he has to ride out his contract. Clay Aiken 92%

Saturday, March 1, 2008

NY DAILY NEWS 02/28
Which TV vixen, based in L.A., spent a lot of the writers' strike downtime in New York City? Word is that she was cheating on her boyfriend with her girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT LAWYER 02/28
#1 Sometimes a bad habit is a tough thing to shake. Sometimes an old relationship can be too. This television actress/model who has a very well known face, but is probably just a C+ when it comes to her spot on the list had one of the oddest relationships on record with a B list television actor. Over that she moved on and found something normal and stable with a movie industry professional. Despite her apparent happiness and public loathing of her ex, she was spotted not too long ago leaving the house of her ex at about 5am. Now, I guess she could have been there to just drop him off some breakfast, but that is a big long shot. Heather Locklear 51%

#2 This one is good and really bizarre, but you will need to put your thinking cap on for this one. We have a foreign born C+ film actress who once was B+. I say once, but she is not that old. In fact she is fairly young, but has already had a long career. Only one television appearance that I know of. All the rest is film. Oh, did I mention gorgeous? OK, she is the instigator for a live in 3some for a recent film she did. When I say live in, I mean these 3 all shared one place during filming including one bed. There was one other actress who was almost twice as old as our foreign born actress. The aging actress was never A list, but has always been right on the edge for her entire career. Known to be a little crazy, but always sexy, and 95% of the time in film roles. The third member of our 3some is a B+ list film actor who is good looking and talented enough to be A list, but because of personal problems, just never has quite got to A list. He generally plays the lead in smaller films, and is always the 2nd billed male in bigger films. Since filming ended, our actor tried to hookup with our foreign born actress but she told him she only dates people she works with. At least she is honest about it.

TED CASABLANCA 02/28
One Showered 'n' Deflowered Blind Vice: What did we say last week, that H-town’s full of nervous Nellies too ‘fraid to come outta the closet? Yep, that’s what we declared. And now, darlings, we’ve got Chumpy "Shepp" Impaled to prove it. Poor thing, he just doesn’t have any idea whatsoever he’s helping us with our little goss class project. Too bad. Now, Chumpy’s not predictably handsome, but he is—we assure you—wholly doable in the sack (not that many folks would know, really). Terribly shy and certainly not out, this lad is. Kinda dorky, too. But like, girlfriends, when you nuzzle that boy’s neck and work the tasty dough down below just right, this baby’s slightly pudgy cookies are yours for the taking, trust! Case in point: A terribly untrustworthy journalist, who shall remain nameless in this already anon tally of salaciousness, befriended CSI at a fairly small but awfully popular Hell-Ay gym. Chump-babe and the journo—let’s call him Schlong Wad, just for good measure—befriended each other in—get this—the showers. How romantic, eh? Let’s leave the dropped-soap analogies (they’re unnecessary, just read on) and mosey on over to the most fascinating fact. It’s that Chumpy, known for his lovable character work on the boob-tube, had never before had sex with a dude, though he’d always been curious. Oh, who the hell isn’t? (Shut up right now, B. Pitt, we so know you are.) Next thing ya know, Schlong’s workin’ overtime with the compliments on Red’s many talents, which are, to be true, average. What a fabulous actor! How handsome! Such a gorgeous smile! All this poopy-cock that you chicks have been seein’ through for centuries, but Chump nevertheless totally bit, pickup line and sinker. Right into S.W.’s Hollywood Hills digs and onto Mr. Wad’s mattress, which is precisely where Chumpy found out what it’s like to be the pea in Wad’s pod. Ouch! But Yum-O, declared Chumpy, like some sort of Rachael Ray orgasmic new naughty discovery. Such the shame that Wad, prick he be, is busy telling everybody he can. AND IT AIN’T: David Schwimmer; Kevin Connolly; Jimmy Kimmel. William Peterson 63%

PANACHE REPORT 02/29
She made a lot of money early on. She celebrated by buying a relative an expensive car. She was taken aback when the relative told her, she would have preferred money, instead. Too much too soon could apply to this woman. She spent recklessly and hooked up with the man of her dreams, or so she thought. The beatings started right after the honeymoon. One evening, she was scheduled to attend a function, a car service picked her and hubby up. They got into an argument and he started punching her in the face, the driver had to pull the car to the side of the rode and rescue her from a fury of punches. Interestingly, the husband didn't stand up to the driver. She was famous before she hooked up with him but for some reason, he credited himself with her fame and often threw it in her face which baffled her. Over time, he became very resentful of her success and set out to control every part of her life. The violence escalated and got so out of control that she took advantage of hubby's new found drug habit. To avoid nightly beatings, she would shoot him up with heroin. He would nod off and she would have a nice and peaceful sleep until he awoke in the morning and the cycle would repeat itself. Once, he dragged her to the closet, forcibly put her foot in the doorway and slammed the closet door on it, breaking it. He was also known to lock in her the closet. This once pretty woman was stripped of her self esteem and couldn't even make eye contact with people and her husband took over her career and her finances. Despite being famous and respected in her field, hubby was calling smut magazines behind her back, trying to arrange nude layouts. She suffered horrific beatings at the hands of this madman. Her family eventually rescued her, hubby didn't pursue her because the money had ran out and he referred to her as "damaged goods." She's never been the same and her career has never recovered. Hint: She's not a singer.

ENTERTAINMENT LAWYER 02/29
#1 So there is this sports bar at Times Square and it is Super Bowl Sunday. At this bar you had to buy tables in order to get in (for the game), but this regular person talked herself in anyway and hung out at the bar. There ended up being an empty table, so she approached the guy who "owned" it. (B- list film and television actor who used to be A list back in the late 70's early 1980's) She said from out of town and it's my birthday and I was wondering if I could buy the table from you if you're not using it. The guy looks over and says no problem, I don't need it but you'll have to arrange it at the bar. The woman says thank you so much, you're so great etc - can I tell the waitress your name? Guy stops and says You don't know who I am? She says no. He says just for that you can't have it, Fuck off...turns his back and that was that. No table. She ended up getting drunk at the bar and calling him an asshole every time he walked by to get to the bathroom. James Franco 49%

#2 When the wives are out of town, things happen. So what happens when a married socialite who everyone knows gets drunk with a married B list film actress and model. Well turns out that they both liked the same guy they found at the bar in the hotel where they were getting drunk. Instead of fighting over him, they decided to share him for the entire night. And when I mean share, I mean share as in everyone gets naked and shares, not sharing like holding hands sharing.

#3 This foreign born A list actress in her own country and probably C list here in the US. English is not her first language and her only chance at an American film came as a result of her first language. The film was a blockbuster. She wanted to go to LA as she got lots of offers after that first film, but her boyfriend wouldn't let her. He has become so controlling and so jealous of her career that she is not allowed to own a cell phone, and he goes with her everywhere. No one understands why she stays with him, but she doesn't allow anyone to speak bad about him. Of course he has alienated most of her friends anyway. Paz Vega 43%

#4 This new mom who happens to be a B+ film actress shouldn't be counting on the father for the support. He is already choosing from a group of actresses and models and deciding who will get to be with him next. Lets just hope they don't get pregnant also. Salma Hayek 67%

LAINEY’S GOSSIP 02/26
Eggs in Public: at an Oscar party on Sunday night, he's been drinking, she's been nagging. Turns into a huge, embarrassingly loud argument about the most personal of matters: she wants babies, he doesn't, and they proceed to yell at each other about it in front of a large audience.
Harrison Ford/Calista Flockhart (verified by Lainey) 98%

TED CASABLANCA 02/28
One Showered 'n' Deflowered Blind Vice: What did we say last week, that H-town’s full of nervous Nellies too ‘fraid to come outta the closet? Yep, that’s what we declared. And now, darlings, we’ve got Chumpy "Shepp" Impaled to prove it. Poor thing, he just doesn’t have any idea whatsoever he’s helping us with our little goss class project. Too bad. Now, Chumpy’s not predictably handsome, but he is—we assure you—wholly doable in the sack (not that many folks would know, really). Terribly shy and certainly not out, this lad is. Kinda dorky, too. But like, girlfriends, when you nuzzle that boy’s neck and work the tasty dough down below just right, this baby’s slightly pudgy cookies are yours for the taking, trust! Case in point: A terribly untrustworthy journalist, who shall remain nameless in this already anon tally of salaciousness, befriended CSI at a fairly small but awfully popular Hell-Ay gym. Chump-babe and the journo—let’s call him Schlong Wad, just for good measure—befriended each other in—get this—the showers. How romantic, eh? Let’s leave the dropped-soap analogies (they’re unnecessary, just read on) and mosey on over to the most fascinating fact. It’s that Chumpy, known for his lovable character work on the boob-tube, had never before had sex with a dude, though he’d always been curious. Oh, who the hell isn’t? (Shut up right now, B. Pitt, we so know you are.) Next thing ya know, Schlong’s workin’ overtime with the compliments on Red’s many talents, which are, to be true, average. What a fabulous actor! How handsome! Such a gorgeous smile! All this poopy-cock that you chicks have been seein’ through for centuries, but Chump nevertheless totally bit, pickup line and sinker. Right into S.W.’s Hollywood Hills digs and onto Mr. Wad’s mattress, which is precisely where Chumpy found out what it’s like to be the pea in Wad’s pod. Ouch! But Yum-O, declared Chumpy, like some sort of Rachael Ray orgasmic new naughty discovery. Such the shame that Wad, prick he be, is busy telling everybody he can. AND IT AIN’T: David Schwimmer; Kevin Connolly; Jimmy Kimmel. William Peterson 77%

OH NO THEY DIDN’T BLOG 02/27
Which reputably sweet actress and award nominee is a full-blown, carpet munching bulldyke? She was seen with her current flame at an awards show last weekend, and it looks like her dream of being viewed as ~alternative~ may finally be coming true -- in a way she never expected.
Ellen Page 89%

Thursday, February 28, 2008

More Oldies

Entertainment Lawyer 01/03/07
#1 So this starlet who has been mentioned everywhere had a little drink Sunday night or was it two or three? Seems she got rejected by an ex in a VERY public way and proceeded to drink the night away and came on to any guy who headed her way. Except for one. Lindsay Lohan 98%

#2 This rockstar’s divorce was recently finalized so he could bring on the next wife. Everyone assumed she walked away with HMM money, but it was not to be. He has a long history of wives and girlfriends who think they are going to take him to the cleaners. What they don’t realize until it is too late is that he has all the ammunition. During their time together he records every incriminating moment whether it be drugs or drinking or another man. When the time comes for parting and they are looking for money, he invites them into his room and shows them why they will not be getting a penny above what he wants to give them. Rod Stewart 98%

#3 In order to support his drug habit, this cat like rock star used to be a gay prostitute. Wonder if he thinks his current girlfriend is as pretty as the boys he used to love. Pete Doherty 98%

#4 This actor has always been known for his HUGE ego. Well now it turns out he has something down below that is just as huge. Talked about in London, but really was just talk, even a legend. It was all supposition really, until he was filming his latest movie. Thinking our star was out and about, an assistant walked into the actor’s trailer without knocking and saw our actor changing clothes and what he saw has been repeated over and over and would put even Mr. Diggler to shame. Ricky Gervais 98%

#5 This singer is out of his mind. His model girlfriend was not beautiful enough for him or he thought he could do better. Somehow he thought his aging, one hit wonder self could get him someone better. What he got was a lesson in how the grass is not always greener on the other side. After bedding a series of 18 year old girls and acting like the wannabe rock star he thinks he is, his ex was seen in public with a collection of men befitting her beauty. Our singer broke and is begging for her to take him back. So far she just keeps laughing at him. James Blunt 98%

#6 Seeing this actress and her complexion Monday night reminded me that she had to miss the world premiere of a movie and almost another because her face had turned into one big zit. Cameron Diaz 98%

#7 A friend of someone mentioned earlier today has been acting like a diva despite the fact it has been years since she could even pretend to be such. Banned from her health club for wanting to work out alone and to bring in her dog, this pseudo diva has also been trying to convince friends she has a relationship with a well known singer despite the fact that no one believes a word of it. Geri Halliwell 98%

#8 Sometimes you hear about something and you just do not even know where to begin. Nevermind, I guess we will start at the beginning. See, there is this singer/actress who has had a bit of a drug problem in the past. Perhaps she has kicked it, and perhaps not. While visiting the UK recently she met an actor who is A-list in the UK, but no one has heard of here although he is in one of the year's biggest hits. He was so enamored of his little doll that he followed her back to LA. She was flattered and loved the attention. He began telling her of his special needs in regards to sex. Think KK video and you will get the idea. Although she did not find it appealing, she was flattered that he wanted to do it with her and so she agreed. UNTIL she found out that while in LA and not seeing her, he was finding some women who accept money for those kinds of things and doing it with them. Serious bonus points for getting his name. Courtney Love and Steve Coogan 98%

#9 What happens when you are at a nightclub and think you are the shit, but no one is paying any attention to you? What happens when you think you can get away with anything and not suffer any consequences? Well this Seinfeld reference decided to take matters into her own hands. An A-list model was dancing on a four foot high stage and drawing the attention of the entire nightclub not only with her beauty but in the way she was dancing. This did not sit well with our spoiled princess and so she pushed the model off the stage and down to the floor. It was only because she happened to land on someone that she avoided a possible career ending injury. Those who saw what happened began to boo at the princess, but she was so into herself that she did not even care. She did not really dance, she just kind of did red carpet pose after red carpet pose. She was loving herself even more than normal. The only problem in her little plan was that the model and the owner of the club are really close so the next thing you know, the princess was yanked from the stage and shown the door. The crowd went crazy and all waved buh bye. Paris Hilton and the attacked was Serinda Swan 98%

#10 This B list television actress is a new relationship with a guy only she could love. The problem is that the the guy really thinks he is God's gift to women. She wants this relationship to work out so much that she is looking past his blatant flirting with other women, while she is standing there. She thinks it is love and he is just using her as a free ticket for award show season. He has no interest in her outside of being that extra ticket, and has acted accordingly. Whether her back is turned or not, he is always looking for the next one. Her friends are appalled, but know it has been awhile since anyone cared and are just hoping things turn out for the best.
Teri Hatcher 98%

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Oldies but Goodies

ENTERTAINMENT LAWYER 11/12
This one happened over the summer at a festival which had about twenty groups. The headlining group was given a heads up that this A+ list female film actress wanted to meet the band. This actress has a history with bands and it didn't really come as a surprise, except they had no idea she was a fan. The band was really excited though because they had not been headliners long and this was someone they all had crushes on over the years. So, our A list actress shows up and brings a female friend who just went away for some water and then never came back. The actress hung out with the band the three or four hours prior to their set, and was fun and drinking and sharing stories. She did some flirting, but nothing serious. She kind of rebuffed advances from each of the group and just kept saying, "wait until after." Immediately after the show, when they went to their trailer to change, the actress was waiting there. Naked. It was after, and she wanted them. All. Two hours later she had taken them all on several times, and gave them each a sweet kiss before she left. Her female friend was right there at the front of the trailer door as our actress emerged, and even had water. From what I understand this is the first time the actress had taken on the entire group. She has however taken on multiple members of groups, but always after the show.
Lindsay Lohan and the Klaxons 92%

ENTERTAINMENT LAWYER 12/26
The spy I like to call RN has more from the world of five star hotels and the celebrities that frequent them.
#1 During a required physical last week this singer indicated she is HIV+. If you follow the partners and they were not safe, this could lead to some incredible revelations during the next year.
Britney Spears 80%

LONDON SENTINEL 09/28
Is the academy winning actress looking for trouble? She will soon start shooting a movie with a guy she's had a wild affair with a few years back. The affair may be over but the feelings remained and rumors are they are mutual despite the fact he’s been married for many years. Hint: a case of Déja vu just with another actress in the lead? Julia Roberts & Denzel Washington 93%
The Underground Buzz 02/27
#1 Sometimes this Singer’s butt is big …sometimes its average. Is this singer wearing padded butt implants? Alicia Keys 50%

#2 This young Actress is still playing the price for having an affair with a top Hollywood star. To avoid the star’s wife, she was not allowed to attend several key events that could have benefited her career. There was one awards ceremony where they were all together: the star, his wife and the ex-mistress. But, after she made her presentation, she left the building.
Panache Report 02/27

#1 She is the relative of a famous celebrity, her whole identity is based on his past accomplishments and she is known in black communities.
She pimps her blood line for all it's worth although it's not worth much anymore. She used her pedigree to date celebrity men, mainly pro ballers and rappers.
These men hit it and quit it, she was devastated.
She was always a recreational drinker but over the last 3-4 years her drinking has gotten out of control.
This once good looking woman has a swollen face and blood shot eyes and always reeks of alcohol.
She has become a spectacle and can been seen staggering all over Hollywood when she's not driving under the influence.
She can guzzle the juice straight with no chaser. Arnelle Simpson daughter of O.J. 85%

#2 Over the years, some rappers fall off or they leave rap intentionally. This rapper falls in one of those categories.
The real reason he became ghost? Two of his friends were murdered over an extortion deal gone bad and he feared for his life by assuming he was the target of a murder contract.
He hid low until he became assured the coast was clear and then he reappeared just as mysteriously as he disappeared from public view.
Mase 85%